She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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