nut hugger
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
