dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
