So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just want to make out with him forever
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
