that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
