Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
