it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
