can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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