So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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