somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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