btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
false alarm. still invincible.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
