Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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