Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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