Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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