I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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