Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
