dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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