$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
