I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize