by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
