Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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