Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
