Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
