you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
