Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
God, I missed his penis.
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