i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I lost the right to judge tonight
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
