I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
