seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
