Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
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Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
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He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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