before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
