A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
