this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
