I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Randomize
