hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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