oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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