The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think your dad took our porno
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
