I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
