I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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