shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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