she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
