I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All the doctor said was why
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
