what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
