Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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