I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
