Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
