and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
