I am puke
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The police scanner is talking about you again....
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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