I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
