I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
