I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
