Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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