man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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