it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
