we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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