Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
