I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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