I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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