ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
