Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
