He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i need some magic done to my vagina
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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