we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
